The ABC’s of Handling Mistakes

Nobody likes making mistakes. We beat ourselves up, we are embarrassed or ashamed, and all too often our mistakes and failures have a profound impact on our sense of self-worth.

It needn’t be so! Mistakes are one of the best ways we have of learning.  Seeing our mistakes as opportunities to grow better, stronger, and wiser can actually help us maintain a healthy sense of self-esteem, as long as we follow the following four steps. 

Step One:  ADMIT your mistake. 

It can be really, really hard to admit a mistake, particularly if a mistake has caused harm to something or someone else. But the inability to admit a mistake is a telltale sign of low self-esteem. We all know people who simply cannot admit that they have made a mistake: they cover it up, hide it, blame it on someone else or blame it on circumstances.  But here is an interesting thing about our errors:  at least one person in the world will always know about them, and that person is you. Sometimes, you will need to admit a mistake to other people. Sometimes, you may only need to admit a mistake to yourself, but either way, when you have made a mistake, you need to be able to clearly acknowledge and admit it.

Step Two:  Be BRAVE enough to accept the consequences.

Nobody likes to pay the price for a mistake or failure. But we must willingly accept the inevitable consequences, be they small or large. All mistakes are inevitably accompanied by a consequence. Sometimes there are inner consequences (having to admit to yourself that you made a mistake and feeling bad about it), and sometimes there are outer consequences (paying a fine, causing an accident, upsetting another person, etc.).  Sometimes, the consequences for small mistakes will be significant, and sometimes the consequences for big mistakes will be inconsequential.  But regardless of the size of the mistake or the severity of the consequence, we must be willing to accept the consequences of our errors.

Step Three:  CORRECT your mistake.

Our self-esteem does not depend upon whether or not we make mistakes. It does depend upon whether or not we are trying our best to correct and learn from them.  Remember that an apology is often required, but that apology is actually a form of admission and not a correction. Correcting a mistake means that you do something different the next time the same situation arises. 

Step Four: DISMISS the mistake, but Remember the correction. 

In other words, get over it! Once you have admitted a mistake, accepted the consequences, and are trying hard to correct it, you are allowed to stop worrying about it and to give up regret, shame, guilt, or embarrassment. This step gets you off the hook and restores self-respect.

Follow these four steps – remember your ABC’s-- and mistakes will stop being a source of shame and become a wonderful opportunity to build, instead of diminish, self-esteem.