The Skill of Introspection

Has it ever occurred to you that YOU are the only person in the whole wide world with whom you will spend every single minute of your life?  We think a lot about our relationships with others, but how much time do we think about our relationships with ourselves?  To have a healthy self-relationship, one of the most important things that we need is the skill of introspection.

Introspection is extremely important for people of all ages.  Put very simply, it is the ability to look within yourself to recognize, identify, or understand your conscious thoughts and feelings.  Introspection provides access to your private inner world that is not filtered through any other source.  I knew a second-grader who defined it this way: “introspection means looking inside yourself for answers, but not to spelling words.” 

 The skill of introspection is what helps us to know and understand ourselves, aids in forming our identity, facilitates decision-making, and answers to questions that no one can answer but ourselves.  I would find it hard to imagine a healthy human psyche and a life well-lived without, at least to some extent, the personal understanding that results from self-reflection.

 Some people seem to be naturally introspective.  They have a gift for self-examination and a natural ability to understand their own thoughts, feelings, perceptions, judgments, and even the functioning of their own bodies.  For others it seems to be a bit more difficult to master, but it is a skill that everyone can learn.  I have worked with both children and adults who have a hard time even naming their emotions at any given time.  Being able to label our emotions is a good first step to understanding them, and understanding them is the next step toward knowing what do with or about them.

 People who are good at introspection make it a regular and conscious part of their daily lives – they touch base with themselves throughout the course of a day.  They tune in to their thoughts and emotions when presented with a problem or situation that needs addressing.  The talented introspectors can tell you at any given moment what they are feeling, what they are thinking, or how their bodies are reacting in certain situations.  But this is usually just a first step – they are able to utilize this self-understanding as part of their processing of information, their decision-making, and their emotional regulation.

 If you would like to be better at introspection, start with some simple questions to ask yourself.  Introspection comes into play when you examine your answers.  For example:

1.     Why is my favorite color blue?

2.     What am I good at?  Do I really enjoy doing it, or not?

3.     What is my favorite way to relax?  What do I feel when I am relaxing?

Another set of questions that probe a little deeper are these.

4.     What makes me the most angry with another person?  Why? 

5.     What brings me the greatest sense of peace (or security, or happiness, etc.)? 

6.     Why do I feel afraid of […]?

7.     What do I do that makes me think that I am a good person?

8.     Do I believe that I am a competent or capable person?

9.     Name 5 of my most important values.

Finally, keep practicing understanding your own thoughts and feelings when a situation occurs that provokes a reaction on your part.  Tune in to your thoughts and feelings when you can find a moment for introspection. 

10. What is my gut telling me about this situation?

11.  I feel extremely anxious; what is the real source of my anxiety?

12.  I really don’t want to do this; why is my resistance so strong?

13.  Why do I feel like crying, when there is really nothing to cry about?

14.  This seems wrong; why do I think it is?

15.  I am second-guessing a decision; I need to put my finger on why I am doubting myself.  Should I change my course of direction?

It is critical for every human to understand her or himself.   Without self-reflection,

there can be no self-understanding, and without self-understanding, there is little hope of genuine self-valuing.  Real self-esteem depends upon our ability to see ourselves as both capable and worthy.  We need to understand our thoughts and feelings, our attitudes and behaviors, our values and beliefs, and our abilities and aspirations as an important part of truly liking, trusting, and respecting ourselves.